By Michael Gaffney

Stupid criminals:

The Worcester Telegram and Gazette reported that on April 16, 2019, the Auburn Police arrested a 24 year-old woman, Genesis Garcia, from Connecticut who allegedly used a stolen credit card to by $8,000.00 worth of diamonds from Macy’s at the Auburn Mall. She attempted to flee by throwing the diamonds at the pursuing police officers.

The big news is that the Auburn Mall had $8,000.00 of diamonds. It’s not news that a woman named Genesis would be the perpetrator. Nor is it surprising that she didn’t think through her escape plan very well, but at least the police officers will always have a story about how they were showered with $8,000.00 worth of diamonds once.

Unsympathetic overreactions:

WBZ-CBS Boston reported on April 15, 2019, that workers at Stop & Shop were on day five of their strike. (Can they be called workers when they are refusing to work?) One complained that she has nearly lost her voice from screaming at potential customers as they publically shamed Ray Bourque for daring to cross the picket line.

The award for the most overdramatic line of the week is: “The people that are crossing the picket line are killing us, just killing us.”

Bernie Sander’s campaign can’t spell Boston, would never be able to say “Worcester” properly:

The Boston Herald (or “Bostob” Herald according to Sanders) reported on April 13, 2019 that an invitation to an organizing event for the campaign would be held in “Bostob”. More likely than not, the campaign did a poor job of search and replace, but to miss the spelling mistake three times just invites ridicule. A GOP strategist immediately responded, “now one thing’s for sure, Donald Trump can spell Boston.” Of course he can. He just wrote Boston on a list of sanctuary cities to send illegals to and likely Worcester too.

Bernie Sander’s can’t spell, but Elizabeth Warren gets no love:

Jay Given at the Worcester Telegram and Gazette advised that all of six cars were parked in front of a Worcester “Win with Warren” event that was heavily advertised. In Warren’s defense, they may have done an amazing job car-pooling, but it is a bad look for the senator from Massachusetts. Maybe the address was misspelled and they all ended up in “Bostob.”